Toyota Camry: Crossing the Midwestern States

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners
and Californians cross states such as Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa,
Missouri, Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, North Dakota, and South
Dakota; those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
information guidelines.

In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following
list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive
because I need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get
you whipped... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for
those little trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making
their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have
it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak.
Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the
two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You can bring Coke into my house but it better be brown, wet, and
served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.
We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines
that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want
sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it? Interstates 80 &90 go two ways--Interstates 29 & 35 go the
other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being
friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit the ball into the water
hazard. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit and go home.



--

* Philip

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know"
-Bing Crosby

"C. E. White" <com> spake unto the masses in
news:com:
 


I've got cousins near Ranfurly, Alberta with grain fields. They've got an
unbelievable amount of equipment, including TWO combines (one new), a
highway tractor and two live-bottom trailers, a seeder that opens up to
what has got to be 100 ft, one of the biggest tractors I've ever seen and
all sorts of other stuff as well. None of this is junk. It's all in good
shape.

The machines sit idle most of the time due to the short growing season. I
didn't ask, but I'll bet NONE of it's paid for.

--
TeGGeR®